PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY

Stolen from a forwarded email...can not take credit for this one:

• 1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
• 2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....
• 3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
• 4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
• 5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
• 6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE T OLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
• 7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
• 8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
• 9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
• 10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
• 11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'
• 12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
• 13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
• 14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
• 15 WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
• 16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
• 17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
• 18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
• 19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THRO UGH BANK MACHINES?
• 20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
• 21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
• 22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
• 23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
• 24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
• 25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
• 26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
• 27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
• 28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE AN 'S' IN IT?
• 29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED 'HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF 'ASSTEROIDS'?
• 30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
• 31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
• 32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
• 33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
• 34. Why do they call freight on a ship 'cargo', and freight on a motor vehicle a 'shipment'?